Imagine you're a male (Autoblog surveys say most of you are, so this shouldn't be hard). You've been invited to the Playboy Mansion for their annual Halloween party. You arrive, grab a flute of bubbly, get introduced to the crusty remains of Hugh Heffner and after a few minutes lay eyes on the most beautiful specimen of redheaded femininity the world has ever seen. You fight your knees from buckling, walk over and give it the ol' college try. Miraculously, you hit it off. She's entertaining, interesting and a joy to see and be seen with. One thing leads to another and you make your way upstairs into one of Heff's exotically appointed love dens.
You're ready to embark on one of the most pleasurable experiences of your life when... there's no spark. No connection. No chemistry. You use every trick in the book to make things work, but to no avail. Despite her arsenal of attributes, this exquisite example of sensuality just doesn't "do it" for you.
If you can understand that scenario, then you can understand our brief, uninspiring stint with the Alfa Romeo 8C Competizione.
The 8C has been around long enough that you already know what matters. It's stunning, perfectly proportioned and should only be available in one color: Competition Red. Beneath its achingly gorgeous carbon fiber exterior you'll find the same platform that underpins the Maserati Gran Turismo, along with a dry-sump 4.7-liter V8 hand assembled by Ferrari. A six-speed sequential gearbox channels the bent eight's 450 horsepower (at 7,000 RPM) and 354 pound-feet of torque (at 4,750 RPM) to a limited slip differential nestled between the rear wheels, delivering a claimed 0-60 MPH sprint of 4.2 seconds and a top speed over 180 MPH.
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